i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
