Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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