i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
