i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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