The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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