I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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