I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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