If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
