you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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