I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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