We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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