I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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