He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
