I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
