i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
