So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
