Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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