maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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