Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
