I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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