my mouth tastes like poor choices
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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