I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
