i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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