The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
