Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my poor anus
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
