i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
