Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
