quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
