the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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