Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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