How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
