Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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