There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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