My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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