SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
