I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
