Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
