Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
