i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Michael Bay diarrhea
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
