My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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