i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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