I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Randomize
