peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
