I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
