Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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