i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
