Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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