They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
