I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
