If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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