let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
