i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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