Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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