I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
