The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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