2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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