Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize