We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
