So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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