Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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