i can't believe i had my finger in that
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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