somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i dont even know how to be here
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
