I am in a vortex of obligation.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
