I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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