When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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