Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
