OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
