I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
