i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
