Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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