woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
