i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
