At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize