So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
