either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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