My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
