But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
