Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
