The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
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Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her