Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander