I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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