wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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