Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower

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  (269): im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower http://tfl.nu/s38n
  Replies (15) Good night (3133) Bad night (784)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.

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  (973): how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/ql7e
  Replies (19) Good night (4423) Bad night (2088)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.

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  (715): just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever. http://tfl.nu/r25i
  Replies (23) Good night (1037) Bad night (6975)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

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  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8943) Bad night (1054)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.

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  (401): My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog. http://tfl.nu/x3j9
  Replies (8) Good night (3488) Bad night (953)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.

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  (203): she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it. http://tfl.nu/xu40
  Replies (12) Good night (1869) Bad night (3393)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

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  (+44): The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me http://tfl.nu/123e
  Replies (6) Good night (1249) Bad night (2993)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.

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  (678): I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out. http://tfl.nu/nryy
  Replies (12) Good night (2617) Bad night (1388)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  #1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home

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  (859): #1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home http://tfl.nu/wpbx
  Replies (16) Good night (3422) Bad night (1017)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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  (979): Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything. http://tfl.nu/jcb8
  Replies (4) Good night (2059) Bad night (599)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.

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  (847): I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina. http://tfl.nu/1g8w
  Replies (8) Good night (816) Bad night (1500)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks

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  (734): Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks http://tfl.nu/mb18
  Replies (5) Good night (823) Bad night (788)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.

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  (586): There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life. http://tfl.nu/feu1
  Replies (6) Good night (402) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.

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  (636): he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting. http://tfl.nu/kcge
  Replies (2) Good night (717) Bad night (291)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You are both horrible and amazing

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  (602): I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep. (480): You are both horrible and amazing http://tfl.nu/a2mg
  Replies (0) Good night (784) Bad night (331)

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