I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.