I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.