OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is Oprah even human
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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