My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
