it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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