There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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