The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
