now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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