dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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